I’ve crossed over. Not from one side of the street to the other, or one genre to the other. There hasn’t exactly been a mutation story going on in my life. Well, in a way, I guess one could construe what’s been going on as a sort of mutation –
I am the reluctant entrepreneur
I enjoy learning, writing, and sharing. That’s why I research, write, and post. If I were to research, write, and submit to other publications, I might be just as happy. Given publishing realities, creating my own blog is smarter. That’s why I do it.
Doing it afraid
There are moments when all I want to do is earn a normal paycheck. Or, to go back to bartending and waitressing – a life that I’m comfortable with and accustomed to. During this past week I’ve wanted the knowing-what-to-expect security blanket (even if it’s not all that great) more than ever.
One week and one day ago, I found out that we’re going to be taking in my fiance’s grandson. I’m excited. It’ll be fun to have his energy in the house, to see the world through his discovering eyes, and it’ll be so amazing to raise him with my guy – a man who loves children. Yet, young children cost lots of money and I’m not happy with our current financial situation.
Believe it or not…
I keep trying to talk my guy into the idea that I should go back to waitressing. We’d have more cash flow. There’d be more stability. It wouldn’t be perfect. The hours are demanding, but so are hours spent doing the entrepreneur bit. I know I make money every day I go to work for someone else. When it’s for me, there’s not much of a guarantee.
Where would it get me?
Nowhere. And fast. There’d be money in my pocket, but no life progress. Yet, it could pay for me to hire a photographer and improve that part of my blog. I’d lose writing time. Mastering a creative trade and business requires focus.
I can’t cross back
In some respects, my income from my blog right now is ridiculously low. I couldn’t even afford a cardboard box to call home with it. In March, I made $0. April showers brought in $14.24. So far in May, I’m at $12.65. And my fiance is SO excited for me. Sincerely. Not. Even. Joking.
When I say, “Really, I should get a real job,” Chris points out the disruptions it would cause to my blogging business. He’s the Owner/CEO of a struggling software company that he took back over a couple of years ago. Long story made short: he was in control, lost control, regained control, and is digging out of the hole created during the many years he wasn’t in control of it. He’s been in scary financial spots before, so he doesn’t panic. “Focus on what you can do. Just keep chipping away. Worry about what you can control.”
Have I mentioned how fortunate I am to have him in my corner?
On Monday morning I was FREAKING out about the state of things and feeling like I ABSOLUTELY needed a J.O.B. A regular one that could help pay BILLS. On Monday mornings when we have the kids, Chris drops them off at school. Then, he meets me at the Rochester Athletic Club to do the SpartaChris together. As we parted that morning he said, “We’ll talk about it more. Don’t jump off any ledges before we have the chance to discuss.”
Later, he talked me down from the ledge. Again.
Maybe I could cross back over if…
…there wasn’t growth. My Google Analytics tell me I’ve come along way and that when I put the work in, my blog grows.
March wasn’t so impressive. We had just moved. I was feeling uncertainty about the direction I wanted to go with my blog, so there was a lot more thinking going on than doing.
In April, I found clarity and got to work. On April 13th, I closed the door to freelancing for others and my numbers improved. April 1st – 13th I had 267 users. From the 14th – 30th of April, 845. No matter what anyone says, FOCUS WORKS! Data doesn’t lie.
Fully committed to the relentless pursuit of blogging and writing success and half of May is looking good. From April 1st – 15th, my numbers were at 334 users. May 1st – 15th without having the 15th’s final details and the blog is at 1.1K. I’m still learning my business math, but I’m pretty sure that’s 229% growth. If I can keep growing at that rate, I’ll be making more than $3,000 per month before I know it. And yes, I know, that’s not all that much, but then if I can do it again, it’d be a heckofalot.
I’ve crossed over and there’s no crossing back. I’m okay with that. Until I panic. Then, Chris will talk me off the ledge again. Simple.
What have you crossed over from?
This post is part of a series inspired by Eat Pray Love.